she does not like it when i’m productive

that’s when my heart starts to pound and i feel like getting a heart attack soon.
this lasts since novembre 2007 or so, but it just makes you suck out your life energy so you sleep for an extraordinary amount of time.
and that’s when i should be evolutionary creative, but i overslept it.

shoulder I?
should I right?
right what?
she acts like she is perfect. where? i haven’t seen this state of perfectness anywhere.
she should not teach. this kids would become unsensible stones.

i’m asexual. anybody. a problem? (living sexuality as a type of peer pressure but rehabilitated, thanks to her. but it doesn’t feel bad either)
for others surely.
well, there is more important things to think about then who with whom and when.
sex. get used to it or arrange yourself not to end up frustrated.

tracestation. things that fit not in her concept.
that’s when my harddisk gets self reliant and shortbus wants to be seen, as an act of indirect revenge
it turns on and off and on and off and always in such a random order °sigh° …
through me, to others.
that’s when my skin starts to bite and at least nothing harmful is seen
that’s when my band gig got ruined and she wanted to make me believe that i’m untalented
that’s when i need silence and i got disturbed.

that’s when my presentations suck and my heart starts to pump every concentration out of my highway brainhalfs
that’s when … one second, she’s doing it again. what? turn up my pulse.
oh … erm .. i forgot what i wanted to say.

did i mention that my memory lasts no longer than … don’t know it exactly, but it’s very short. it had been shorter a while ago but training opens up your new found glory memory.
oh he/she/it wants to shock me with an shatter from the down °innerlaughs°
that’s when the roomlamp starts to wiggle without any reason.

i expect to be eaten up soon. she needs revenge. no joke. she really NEEDS it. need to spy. so afraid i could not keep … keep, what? i have to be eliminated because she made mistakes and caused a huge amount of damage.
that’s how she handles things. but i hope my flesh will poison her to death. so … you know what happened when i’m not there any more.
thanx for every help and audiences. we had some great hours together.
you see, run away from insanity is useless because something like that does not exist actually. what you can do is, give rules to yourself what you’re willing (not) to do in which case and settle your final borders.
isn’t it lovely? but at least she isn’t responsible for everything. you will recognize it, when happened what.

shit, i didn’t finish the new beibl °rolleyes°
something’s wrong. i have to cough.

auf reisen

becoming unserious soon

bless you!
12 ways to become a pornstar:

1. don’t wear shirts with outtakes
2. avoid wearing skirts or dresses
3. please, not blond
4. search somebody who hates you and loves to destroy your image (s/he would love to be like you anyway)
5. ignore people
6. be so holy that it becomes unserious
7. be sarcastic. they don’t want to understand it.
8. have a great inner eye gift
9. be original. somebody always is going to hate that.
10. make funny jokes about sexual things. or treat that theme too serious (because at least it isn’t, isn’t it?)
11. avoid masturbation. it’s dangerous.
12. fuck. religion. it’s dangerous too, if you want to have it like that.

you have a problem? wright me!

usual communication is underrated. nobody is willing to explain his or her actions, justify for the pains caused, glass splitted and butterfly effect started. instead they expect you to suck all the information out of air or an empty corner inside of your head. or they start mobbing you, collect a few peeps to mob more and hope, something senseful will come out. but unfortunately as a logical consequence, few problems occur.
the air may be always right, but it does not know all the strange inner thoughts of some incorherently substanced souls out there.

communication is only successful if the receiver received an adequate message and got it as it was initially meant.
if there is still something you have to clear up with, no matter how much you hate me, i promise to write back in an acceptable (maybe not as friendly and ass kissing as you want to force me to be) but in an acceptable way.

sidenote: i’m waiting for your message for months now. so why you’re angry at me?
we need to discuss what happened to find an acceptable solution for everything bad that happened. how should we start if the other side still provocates and creates bad climate all the time?

should you follow your reputation?

today’s a lot of envy and jealousy out there. you just have to look askew or unstraight and you got shot down with prejudice from every sides.

so it comes that if two persons find together and the ex is blind and unable to realize that, a lot of distortional waves float around through loads of violent spaces.

at this point it’s the time to make shure
1. does he have a girlfriend or an affair already
2. is he maybe gay
3. does he nurse any incestual relationships
4. is there an ex still hanging on and terrorizing
5. you have enough energy to stand a voodoo doll and any kind of love magic stuff (°sigh° usual not necessary for adorable people)

ok. damage unfortunately done. not matter from which side. you ran into something where you could not define it yourself (no real sexual interaction, not even a kiss or so). and while trying to pull yourself out of the misery, excusing a thousand times for everything but useless, because her anger influences all people involved (and they just don’t know) my life and environment sacks down to floorless.

so i’m gonna be eaten up soon.
thanks for help